Marking Time.

Sweet Baby,

I am marking time with you- the hours, the days, the weeks. It won't always be this way, I suppose, but for now... Sixteen days since we watched you on that fuzzy sonogram machine. I wish we'd stared longer. Eight days since the terrible, horrible news. 5 o'clock tonight marked one week since our heartbreaking goodbye.

After a long, tough week at home, your Daddy knew I needed a break. He rented us a farmhouse north of Austin for the weekend and our little family hit the road. The trip was just what we needed: quiet and reflective, but a nice change of scenery.

We hunted for sticks, watched animals, fed ducks, and played along the San Gabriel River. Your brother loved having extra space to run. I had lots of time to read. We ventured out of the house to conquer some new playgrounds, drive through historic neighborhoods, explore quaint little Georgetown, and enjoy live patriotic music in the downtown square. Ben had his first taste of lemonade and sweet tea and loved them both. We tasted prize-winning english toffee at Sweet Serendipity, and had a few delicious meals (wonderful, organic dinner at Monument Cafe, and yummy breakfast and BBQ at Duke's). We met several sweet strangers who could have been angels, for all I know. Everyone we crossed paths with was so gracious to us.























We had a good time, but you were never far from my mind. Daddy and I had some good conversations, and I spent a lot of time talking to God about you. I know that He will heal our hearts in time, and in that respect I am thankful for each day that passes. Still, each sunset feels like it moves you further and further away from us, and I choke on the sadness.

Daddy bought me a pretty garnet necklace (your birthstone), and your sweet Uncle Joel and Aunt Lori sent me a beautiful charm engraved with your due date. What incredible thoughtfulness. I never had the privilege of holding you in my arms, but I am determined to hold you in my mind and in my heart. I am thankful for these visual reminders of you.

A dear friend of mine lost her son just a week before we lost you, and she succinctly expressed exactly how I'm feeling these days. "We must move forward with our lives…I just want to bring you with us."