Rule Following vs. God Following

I've read this post by Lysa TerKeurst a few times after seeing it all over Pinterest. The post keeps getting re-pinned with the comment, "I don't want to raise good kids." Mmmmmm? I'm intrigued. I clicked on the link eagarly. I find myself hungry for any nugget of parenting wisdom these days.

Lysa recalls the horror she felt when her young daughter, Hope, slipped away from her and ended up frolicking in the fountain at the mall. Ugh. I can't even imagine. My days of public humiliation at the hands of a child have just begun. Lysa cried all the way home. Hope seemed so "determined, independent, and insistent." As Hope has grown, Lysa has seen God use those traits to make Hope into a God-following young adult.

The conclusion of the post is, "Maybe God’s goal wasn’t for me to raise a good rule following child. God’s goal was for me to raise a God-following adult. An adult just determined and independent and insistent enough to fulfill a purpose He had in mind all along."

I've thought a lot about this since first reading it several weeks ago. Ben is just now really starting to assert his independence. We are still in the outskirts of The Land of Tantrums. I find myself wondering exactly how much of our instruction he understands, how much correction will "stick," and whether or not we should just let certain things go.

Already, at eleven months old, Ben is exhibiting some strong shades of "determined, independent, and insistent." Like Lysa, I acknowledge that God can use those personality traits throughout childhood and adulthood to accomplish His purposes. Still, "determined, independent, and insistent" can be incredible strengths, or, left unchecked, great sources of vulnerability.

The conclusion I've come to is that I really do desire to raise a "good, rule-following" child. Certainly not so I can tout my mad parenting skills, but because "goodness" and "self-control" are, after all, fruit of the Spirit.

God-following is all about obedience. I believe one of the best things I can do for Ben is foster a heart of obedience in my boy. If a "good" child is an "obedient" child, then I think that's important.

I'll make certain demands of Ben because I know what's best for him, and he will benefit from being a "good rule-follower" and obeying. When Ben is grown, God will ask things of him that might not be easy. Those requests might conflict with that "determined, independent, insistent" spirit of his, but I want what's best for Ben, and that's a heart of obedience. Ben will benefit from yielding his independence to a higher authority, and that begins now.

Lysa acknowledges that we, as parents, can't take too much credit for our children's actions, good or bad. I'm thinking there is a delicate balance between "credit" and "responsibility." Working in youth ministry, I've seen some of the best, loving, diligent parents deal with rebellious kids, and some pretty amazing teenagers come from parents who don't seem too invested.

Ultimately, every good thing in our lives is a result of the grace of God. I'll thank God for the good things I see in Ben, and ask God to give me wisdom to help correct the "bad." And, as far as the "good, rule-following child" and the "God-following adult," I'll keep praying for both.