I would imagine being a parent and not owning a snot sucker is like being a carpenter without a hammer. Probably. Because that's what I felt like just two days ago. My son had the Niagara Falls of all runny, goopy, slimy, disgusting noses, and all I had was the little blue bulb syringe they send you home from the hospital with. It was like trying to bail out the Titanic with a ladle until Tim ran to Buy Buy Baby and exchanged the best $14.99 we've ever spent for this silly little piece of plastic tubing. It works miracles, I tell ya.
Ben's not as big a fan as we are. He protests, but we persevere. Ben screams and yells the whole time I'm pinning his arms and holding his head still between my knees and wondering why God didn't give parents an extra limb. He's not hurt, he's just mad. And miserable, because he can't breathe. I yell for Tim. Tim attempts to delicately place the tube against Ben's nose while Ben flails wildly. It's like wrestling snakes. Finally, success! Tim sucks the snot out. What is so oddly satisfying about watching those big globs of disgusting goop extracted from such teeny tiny nostrils? We sit back, sweating, and Ben sits up, breathes through his nose, smiles at us, and goes back to hammering his puzzle pieces until we repeat the process again twenty minutes later.
Between December 24th and January 1st we were in contact with approximately 423 friends and family members. One of them is responsible for the snot that has taken over our home. I can't be sure exactly which one. Sure, I have my suspicions, but since I can't pinpoint the perpetrator I'm considering declining all future invitations, tin-foiling our windows, and becoming happy, healthy shut-ins. If this seems extreme to you, it's because you've never had a sick baby before.
It gets even worse than the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad fountain of snot gushing from my little Ben's nose. Some of our dearest friends gave birth to a beautiful baby girl yesterday in a hospital just a few miles from our house. Guess who had to stay very, very far away? Yep. Me. I'm dying.
In the meantime, until I can get my hands on that precious, perfect little bundle, I'll have the snot-sucker as a consolation prize.
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