Starting a Family

I read this book by Steve and Candice Watters right before I got pregnant with Ben. Over the last year I've been convicted about many of my thoughts and attitudes in regard to having children.

I'll admit there were other things I wanted to do before we had kids. Tim wanted to get his degree after finishing with the Marine Corps. We wanted to buy a house. I wanted to spend some time actually using my degree in the work force. We wanted to take a few vacations. I think this is a fairly typical checklist for young couples.

I knew that having children would complicate things. After all, even people from church told us not to rush into having children. We heard lots of things like, "Once you have kids, you can't give them back," and "You should spend some time getting to know each other before you throw kids into the mix." Those things made sense.

Tim and I really enjoyed the time we spent just the two of us. We had fun and we had freedom. We had disposable income.

Looking back on the first seven years of our marriage, I get a little sick when I think of how presumptuous I was. I just assumed that God was standing by, waiting to bless us with children whenever we decided we were ready. I took so many things for granted, and I bought into more than a few lies about where my priorities should be. I was so nonchalant about the whole thing, but God blessed us in spite of my ridiculous attitude. Grace.

God has used Ben to show me the truth of Psalm 127. Children are a heritage of the Lord, and they are a reward. They are a blessing. Are there any other blessings in my life that I choose to accept only on my own terms, in my own timing?

I heard Steve and Candice Watters on Family Life Radio yesterday, and I identified with much of what they shared:

"Children are redemptive. They redeem us from ourselves—from a self-centered life."

"I fear that there is a generation of young couples, starting out their marriage, that are selling God short here. They don't realize the tremendous privilege that He's given parents—that we have a chance, as a couple, to join with God in creating life. What an unspeakable privilege!"

"I think there's a design flaw in current marriages. We are pitched the idea that marriage should really be about this companion— a high, intense, emotional connection between this couple. We've got this concept of the soul mate and how marriage should be about this person completing you. We've lost the sense of how children are a part of the design and were meant to bring a new life and depth to the relationship."

"The sad thing is that so often faith is not what is carrying us. So often, in the Christian body, the things that are forcing our decisions about children aren't God tugging at our hearts as much as it is our hearts being conformed more to the image of the culture around us. We hope to call more people to reflect deeply— to actually go back to God and say, “God, what is Your heart here?”