After just four hours of sleep last night (broken up into 2, two hour shifts) I woke up to feed Ben this morning. He dozed through most of his feeding, and once we were finished we went in his room to change his diaper.
Upon removing his diaper, I noticed that his bottom looked a little red, so I opened the diaper cream. In the two seconds that took, Ben started peeing all over himself... his hair, his face, even in his ear. Of course, I stuck my hand over his (ehem) immediately to block the stream, which had also gotten his clothes and the changing pad cover. Sigh... he needs a bath.
I stripped him down and took him to the bathroom. It's quite a challenge for one person to bathe him alone because he is so slick and wiggly, but with urine in his hair, I didn't have much of a choice. Luckily, he likes the water and feels comfortable there. So comfortable, that he has no problem pooping in the tub. Which he did right at that moment.
The bath was sort of a fiasco so I was relieved to get him all washed up and rinsed off. I wrapped him up in his froggy towel and carried him back to his room. Can't put him on the changing table (which is still covered with the urine that started this whole process), so I laid him on the floor to finish drying him off and get his new outfit on him.
"Okay, buddy, doesn't it feel good to get all clean? Yes, you smell so nice..."
Puke. All over his face, his chest, and the towel I was drying him with.
Henceforth, our house shall simply be referred to as "Benjamin's Path of Destruction."
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Two Things
1) Why did I get such a sense of accomplishment from running errands BEFORE I had a child? Driving somewhere, getting out of the car, doing something, then driving somewhere else. What is so hard about that when you are by yourself?
2) IF I decide to have another child (which I'm not ready to discuss yet) I will do things so much differently next time. And it will be so much easier.
2) IF I decide to have another child (which I'm not ready to discuss yet) I will do things so much differently next time. And it will be so much easier.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Hair
I am convinced that God gave this little boy this crazy hair simply because He knew it would THRILL me.
And it does. I practically squeal with delight every time I look at him.
What a precious gift.
And it does. I practically squeal with delight every time I look at him.
What a precious gift.
Friday, May 20, 2011
One Month.
As of yesterday, Ben is officially one month old! What a difference a month makes.
I wrote this note yesterday in a journal I've started for Ben.
I wrote this note yesterday in a journal I've started for Ben.
"Ben, you are one month old today! Unbelievable. We could not be more in love with you. I cannot stop kissing you and I soak in every inch of you. I know you're growing faster than I can fathom, so I try desperately to freeze snapshots in my mind. I kiss your skinny little legs, the soft folds of skin on the back of your neck, and your precious little wet lips. Daddy and I belly laugh at the funny faces you make when you're stretching and just waking up. We take such delight in watching your wide eyes while you sit in the warm bath water. You are pure joy, my boy. Although I am sad the first month of your life is behind us, I cannot wait for what is head. You will smile at us (and not just because you have gas) and when I talk to you, you'll really understand what I'm saying. Yes, there is so much to look forward to."
Ben's Birth Story
In many ways, I feel like I've been in a coma for the last month (although comas are much more restful) and I'm finally back! I wanted to get Ben's birth story down in writing before it becomes a distant memory. I insist on doing things in order. After the birth story is filed away, I will proceed to inundate you with thousands of pictures of the most adorable little boy who has ever lived.
Be forewarned: this is a VERY long story. But, it was also a VERY long labor. If no one ever reads all the way to the end of it, I'll still just be glad to have it in writing.
Sunday, April 17th-
- 3:30 am- Woke up to go to the bathroom (for the 8th time that night) and noticed that my water was leaking a little bit. At least I thought it was. No cause for alarm, time would tell. I contemplated waking Tim up, but decided not to. I didn't want to cry wolf if this wasn't really "it."
- 7:00am- We got up and went to church like we normally would. I mentioned to Tim that I thought my water might be leaking, but that I just wanted to wait and see what happened.
- 3:30pm- My water was still leaking, but nothing else was happening, so I decided to call the midwife. She asked me if I wanted to come in and get checked, and I said no, I'd rather just wait. She suggested I go for a walk and try to induce labor. She also said to call her back at 9:30 that evening to give her an update.
Tim and I went out for a walk, and it really began to hit me that this could be "it." We held hands while we walked and I got a little emotional. I love Tim so much, and I love "us." We have had a wonderful 7.5 years together. We've certainly had many highs and lows, and since I was only 19 and he was 21 when we got married, we've really grown up together. I sent him off to war, welcomed him home, we transitioned out of the Marine Corps, finished college, got our first "real" jobs, bought a house, made great friends... we really have built a life we love. As excited as I was for Ben's arrival, I was suddenly hit with a wave of sadness, realizing that such a sweet chapter of our lives was coming to an end.
We walked over to my parents house (they live a block away) and sat out on the back porch and talked for a while. It started to get dark, so we walked home. Still no action.
Meanwhile, when Tim called his family in Houston to let them know what was going on, we found out they were all together. They were so excited to hear that Ben was coming soon. They sent us this fun picture, which I plan to frame and put in Ben's nursery:
- 9:30pm- I called the midwife back to tell her that we hadn't made any progress. I was guessing (based on what she'd said during our previous conversation) that she would tell me to get some sleep and come in first thing in the morning. Instead, she said, "Why don't you grab your bag and head in? We will verify that your water really is leaking, and if that's what it is, we will give you some pitocin to augment your labor."
Cue the panic attack.
I am no fool. I took the Bradley Method classes. I knew what "augment your labor" meant. The two things I was hoping to avoid (since I was preparing for a natural birth) were 1) Having to head into the hospital late at night, when I was already tired, and 2) Being induced and trying to labor naturally with the increased intensity from pitocin.
At that point, there was no avoiding either of those two things. I showered, Tim called our families, and we headed downtown.
-11:00pm- We checked into the hospital. More freaking out on my part. My sweet parents were there with us and although my dad did his best to calm me (which has pretty much worked my entire life) he couldn't do much on this one. I just kept saying, "This isn't the way I wanted to do this." I REALLY wanted to labor at home as much as I could and then head to the hospital when I was closer to delivery. Things don't always go the way we hope or plan, right? They checked me in, got me in a bed, and started me on an IV, monitors, and antibiotics (since my water had been leaking for so long). Ben was doing great and his heart rate was strong, but it was time to get him out of there!
This is the bravest face I could muster:
Tim was superman- totally ready to go. Note the stopwatch on his wrist for timing contractions.
Monday, April 18th
-2:00am- The nurse came in and started the pitocin. Here we go!
-6:00am- My contractions had gotten stronger and stronger, and by 6am, I was in a lot of pain. After taking the Bradley Method classes, I'd learned how important it was to be able to move around during labor and switch positions to try and work through the contractions. Because I was on the IV for pitocin and antibiotics, and had a fetal heart monitor and a contraction monitor on me, I wasn't able to move much. The midwife came in to check me, and I was at a 1.5. Oh boy.
I labored through the rest of the morning, and my contractions were so, so strong, I had convinced myself that I was in transition. Everything I'd read said, "Just when you think you can't possibly do it any more, you are in transition, and your baby will be here before you know it." Maybe that's generally the case, but it certainly wasn't for me. I was in serious pain, convinced I was almost there, and I was still only a 3. Yikes. The pain alternated between my back and my legs. I remembered what I'd heard about back labor and leg labor, but nothing I did seemed to ease the pain.
I can't tell this story without talking about how incredible my husband was through this process. It's not that I didn't think he would be great, because I knew he would rise to the occasion and get over his squeemishness when called upon, but he was AMAZING. Although he didn't experience the pain that I did, I am convinced that he worked every bit as hard as I did. He praised me and supported me through EVERY contraction, and every break in-between. His overwhelming support was a great distraction from the pain, and after ever few contractions I would say, "Thank you so much. I couldn't do this without you." I kept thinking of the women I see at work every day, who have babies while their husbands are deployed to far-away war zones. Unbelievable.
Tim's parents arrived from Houston around 10am, and although they came in the room briefly, I quickly asked everyone to leave. Everyone was sweet, supportive, and respectful, but all I wanted was silence so I could concentrate on trying to work through the contractions. Knowing our parents were out in the waiting room praying for us really helped.
Throughout this process, I also gained a whole new respect for labor & delivery nurses. I had a nurse named Jill who acted more like a doula than a nurse. She was incredible. She helped me change positions as best she could (with all my tubes and wires), she brought me a popsicle, rubbed my feet with lotion, and was unbelievably encouraging.
I know I've used the words "incredible," "unbelievable," and "amazing," quite a few times, but I can't think of better words to describe the support I received from Tim, the nurses, and the midwife. God really answered my prayers for a caring team of people around me.
-3:00pm- The midwife had agreed to free me from my IVs and monitors for a few minutes so I could get in the tub. Although the warm water initially felt great, I can't say it really helped ease the pain of the contractions. By this point, I was totally miserable. I was also exhausted. I looked at Tim in-between contractions and said, "I hate this. This is our son's birthday, and I hate this day. I am in so much pain, and I am so tired. Why am I doing this?"
Poor Tim was in a really though spot. He knew how committed I was to having a natural, drug-free delivery (which was already technically out the window- I might as well have shredded my "birth plan" when I walked in the door) and we had discussed this situation in the weeks leading up to Ben's due date. Tim asked over and over, "If you ask for the epidural, what do you want me to say? What if you BEG for it?"
Tim knows me pretty well, and he knew how much I was struggling, both physically and internally. He went to get the midwife. I looked in her eyes and said, "Remind me again... why am I doing this?" She smiled and said, "At this point, for bragging rights."
Hello! That is NOT why I desired a natural birth.
She said, "You are fine, and the baby is still fine. I know you are trying to avoid a c-section, and if you get an epidural at this point, it will give you a chance to relax and rest a little bit before delivery. I don't think you are at any risk for a c-section."
That was all she needed to say. I trusted her completely, and she made the decision so much easier for me. As soon as I asked for the anesthesiologist, the next few contractions got easier because I was able to relax a little bit. I knew relief was coming.
The epidural took a little while, but the pain was nothing compared to the contractions I'd been having, particularly in my legs. The hardest part was sitting completely still while the administered the epidural. I had three strong contractions while they were doing it.
Once the epidural took effect, everything changed. For the first time, I was actually able to get excited about what was happening- our baby was on the way! The midwife came in to check me, and I was still only at a 6.5. I was so thankful I'd made the decision to get an epidural, particularly since the hardest part was still ahead of me.
-5:00pm- The nurses turned out the lights and we were able to sleep for about an hour- the first time we'd slept in 35 hours!
After we woke up from our nap, our family came in to see us. It was so nice to be able to have a good conversation with them and share in the excitement about what was coming next. Our sweet friends, Kim and Justin, came up to see us, too.
This picture makes me smile, because just a year and a half ago, we took a similar picture, but Kim was in the bed, about to give birth to Ava Grace.
As the evening progressed, so did I, although it was slow progress!
-11:15pm- Time to start pushing! I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I was really hoping to have Ben on the 18th because... I like even numbers. I know, I know. My birthday is 8/12, Tim's is 6/18, so 4/18 seemed great. I asked the midwife if she thought there was any way I could deliver Ben before midnight. She said yes, if we got to work. Incentive! Alas, it just wasn't meant to be, and that's okay.
-Tuesday, April 19th-
-12:12am- Ben arrived! Like all moms, I will never forget the moment as long as I live. I watched the midwife deliver him, and his eyes were SO wide. He didn't blink, and I don't think I did either, come to think of it. He was absolutely perfect, and I kept thinking, "He's OURS!" She laid Ben on my chest and wiped him down, and I tried to take it all in. Tim stood next to me and cried happy tears. Every single moment leading up to that one was worth it.
- 1:15am- It took about an hour for them to get everything cleaned up, and our parents got to come in and meet Ben. Another highlight of my life.
Tim's dad was sick so he wasn't able to come in. We were heartbroken that he couldn't meet Ben, but it's given us something else to look forward to. We CAN'T WAIT for Ben to meet the rest of the Bergeron family.
Although the labor and delivery didn't go the way I had originally hoped, I praise God for blessing us with safety and support through the entire thing. The team around us couldn't have been better, and we are all healthy. There were so many answered prayers, and at the end of it all, we have this unimaginable blessing.
MUCH more to come...
Be forewarned: this is a VERY long story. But, it was also a VERY long labor. If no one ever reads all the way to the end of it, I'll still just be glad to have it in writing.
Sunday, April 17th-
- 3:30 am- Woke up to go to the bathroom (for the 8th time that night) and noticed that my water was leaking a little bit. At least I thought it was. No cause for alarm, time would tell. I contemplated waking Tim up, but decided not to. I didn't want to cry wolf if this wasn't really "it."
- 7:00am- We got up and went to church like we normally would. I mentioned to Tim that I thought my water might be leaking, but that I just wanted to wait and see what happened.
- 3:30pm- My water was still leaking, but nothing else was happening, so I decided to call the midwife. She asked me if I wanted to come in and get checked, and I said no, I'd rather just wait. She suggested I go for a walk and try to induce labor. She also said to call her back at 9:30 that evening to give her an update.
Tim and I went out for a walk, and it really began to hit me that this could be "it." We held hands while we walked and I got a little emotional. I love Tim so much, and I love "us." We have had a wonderful 7.5 years together. We've certainly had many highs and lows, and since I was only 19 and he was 21 when we got married, we've really grown up together. I sent him off to war, welcomed him home, we transitioned out of the Marine Corps, finished college, got our first "real" jobs, bought a house, made great friends... we really have built a life we love. As excited as I was for Ben's arrival, I was suddenly hit with a wave of sadness, realizing that such a sweet chapter of our lives was coming to an end.
We walked over to my parents house (they live a block away) and sat out on the back porch and talked for a while. It started to get dark, so we walked home. Still no action.
Meanwhile, when Tim called his family in Houston to let them know what was going on, we found out they were all together. They were so excited to hear that Ben was coming soon. They sent us this fun picture, which I plan to frame and put in Ben's nursery:
- 9:30pm- I called the midwife back to tell her that we hadn't made any progress. I was guessing (based on what she'd said during our previous conversation) that she would tell me to get some sleep and come in first thing in the morning. Instead, she said, "Why don't you grab your bag and head in? We will verify that your water really is leaking, and if that's what it is, we will give you some pitocin to augment your labor."
Cue the panic attack.
I am no fool. I took the Bradley Method classes. I knew what "augment your labor" meant. The two things I was hoping to avoid (since I was preparing for a natural birth) were 1) Having to head into the hospital late at night, when I was already tired, and 2) Being induced and trying to labor naturally with the increased intensity from pitocin.
At that point, there was no avoiding either of those two things. I showered, Tim called our families, and we headed downtown.
-11:00pm- We checked into the hospital. More freaking out on my part. My sweet parents were there with us and although my dad did his best to calm me (which has pretty much worked my entire life) he couldn't do much on this one. I just kept saying, "This isn't the way I wanted to do this." I REALLY wanted to labor at home as much as I could and then head to the hospital when I was closer to delivery. Things don't always go the way we hope or plan, right? They checked me in, got me in a bed, and started me on an IV, monitors, and antibiotics (since my water had been leaking for so long). Ben was doing great and his heart rate was strong, but it was time to get him out of there!
This is the bravest face I could muster:
Tim was superman- totally ready to go. Note the stopwatch on his wrist for timing contractions.
Monday, April 18th
-2:00am- The nurse came in and started the pitocin. Here we go!
-6:00am- My contractions had gotten stronger and stronger, and by 6am, I was in a lot of pain. After taking the Bradley Method classes, I'd learned how important it was to be able to move around during labor and switch positions to try and work through the contractions. Because I was on the IV for pitocin and antibiotics, and had a fetal heart monitor and a contraction monitor on me, I wasn't able to move much. The midwife came in to check me, and I was at a 1.5. Oh boy.
I labored through the rest of the morning, and my contractions were so, so strong, I had convinced myself that I was in transition. Everything I'd read said, "Just when you think you can't possibly do it any more, you are in transition, and your baby will be here before you know it." Maybe that's generally the case, but it certainly wasn't for me. I was in serious pain, convinced I was almost there, and I was still only a 3. Yikes. The pain alternated between my back and my legs. I remembered what I'd heard about back labor and leg labor, but nothing I did seemed to ease the pain.
I can't tell this story without talking about how incredible my husband was through this process. It's not that I didn't think he would be great, because I knew he would rise to the occasion and get over his squeemishness when called upon, but he was AMAZING. Although he didn't experience the pain that I did, I am convinced that he worked every bit as hard as I did. He praised me and supported me through EVERY contraction, and every break in-between. His overwhelming support was a great distraction from the pain, and after ever few contractions I would say, "Thank you so much. I couldn't do this without you." I kept thinking of the women I see at work every day, who have babies while their husbands are deployed to far-away war zones. Unbelievable.
Tim's parents arrived from Houston around 10am, and although they came in the room briefly, I quickly asked everyone to leave. Everyone was sweet, supportive, and respectful, but all I wanted was silence so I could concentrate on trying to work through the contractions. Knowing our parents were out in the waiting room praying for us really helped.
Throughout this process, I also gained a whole new respect for labor & delivery nurses. I had a nurse named Jill who acted more like a doula than a nurse. She was incredible. She helped me change positions as best she could (with all my tubes and wires), she brought me a popsicle, rubbed my feet with lotion, and was unbelievably encouraging.
I know I've used the words "incredible," "unbelievable," and "amazing," quite a few times, but I can't think of better words to describe the support I received from Tim, the nurses, and the midwife. God really answered my prayers for a caring team of people around me.
-3:00pm- The midwife had agreed to free me from my IVs and monitors for a few minutes so I could get in the tub. Although the warm water initially felt great, I can't say it really helped ease the pain of the contractions. By this point, I was totally miserable. I was also exhausted. I looked at Tim in-between contractions and said, "I hate this. This is our son's birthday, and I hate this day. I am in so much pain, and I am so tired. Why am I doing this?"
Poor Tim was in a really though spot. He knew how committed I was to having a natural, drug-free delivery (which was already technically out the window- I might as well have shredded my "birth plan" when I walked in the door) and we had discussed this situation in the weeks leading up to Ben's due date. Tim asked over and over, "If you ask for the epidural, what do you want me to say? What if you BEG for it?"
Tim knows me pretty well, and he knew how much I was struggling, both physically and internally. He went to get the midwife. I looked in her eyes and said, "Remind me again... why am I doing this?" She smiled and said, "At this point, for bragging rights."
Hello! That is NOT why I desired a natural birth.
She said, "You are fine, and the baby is still fine. I know you are trying to avoid a c-section, and if you get an epidural at this point, it will give you a chance to relax and rest a little bit before delivery. I don't think you are at any risk for a c-section."
That was all she needed to say. I trusted her completely, and she made the decision so much easier for me. As soon as I asked for the anesthesiologist, the next few contractions got easier because I was able to relax a little bit. I knew relief was coming.
The epidural took a little while, but the pain was nothing compared to the contractions I'd been having, particularly in my legs. The hardest part was sitting completely still while the administered the epidural. I had three strong contractions while they were doing it.
Once the epidural took effect, everything changed. For the first time, I was actually able to get excited about what was happening- our baby was on the way! The midwife came in to check me, and I was still only at a 6.5. I was so thankful I'd made the decision to get an epidural, particularly since the hardest part was still ahead of me.
-5:00pm- The nurses turned out the lights and we were able to sleep for about an hour- the first time we'd slept in 35 hours!
After we woke up from our nap, our family came in to see us. It was so nice to be able to have a good conversation with them and share in the excitement about what was coming next. Our sweet friends, Kim and Justin, came up to see us, too.
This picture makes me smile, because just a year and a half ago, we took a similar picture, but Kim was in the bed, about to give birth to Ava Grace.
As the evening progressed, so did I, although it was slow progress!
-11:15pm- Time to start pushing! I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I was really hoping to have Ben on the 18th because... I like even numbers. I know, I know. My birthday is 8/12, Tim's is 6/18, so 4/18 seemed great. I asked the midwife if she thought there was any way I could deliver Ben before midnight. She said yes, if we got to work. Incentive! Alas, it just wasn't meant to be, and that's okay.
-Tuesday, April 19th-
-12:12am- Ben arrived! Like all moms, I will never forget the moment as long as I live. I watched the midwife deliver him, and his eyes were SO wide. He didn't blink, and I don't think I did either, come to think of it. He was absolutely perfect, and I kept thinking, "He's OURS!" She laid Ben on my chest and wiped him down, and I tried to take it all in. Tim stood next to me and cried happy tears. Every single moment leading up to that one was worth it.
- 1:15am- It took about an hour for them to get everything cleaned up, and our parents got to come in and meet Ben. Another highlight of my life.
Tim's dad was sick so he wasn't able to come in. We were heartbroken that he couldn't meet Ben, but it's given us something else to look forward to. We CAN'T WAIT for Ben to meet the rest of the Bergeron family.
Although the labor and delivery didn't go the way I had originally hoped, I praise God for blessing us with safety and support through the entire thing. The team around us couldn't have been better, and we are all healthy. There were so many answered prayers, and at the end of it all, we have this unimaginable blessing.
MUCH more to come...
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