All my life, all I’ve wanted was to be a Mom. Still, when I was holding that baby in my arms and it was time to turn in my letter of resignation and venture into the land of single-income living, I felt more than a little anxiety. “Can we even do this? How will we make this work?”
We are now six months into this new lifestyle and I’ve had more than a few girlfriends say, “I would love to stay home, but we just can’t swing it…” First let me say, I understand that some families really can’t swing it. Sometimes Mom is the primary breadwinner, and sometimes debt and extenuating financial circumstances really do make living on a single income momentarily impossible. I would venture to say, however, that so many families don’t realize they really
can swing it. Our budget doesn’t just work itself out. This is how we’ve done it so far…
1. Make little cuts
Long before Ben was born, while I was still taking those cute weekly maternity photos, we sat down and looked at our double-income budget and cut the fat. We canceled our exterminator. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but we really can kill bugs ourselves. We canceled our gym memberships. If I’m being honest, that wasn’t a tough one for me. We now jog in our neighborhood and Tim lifts weights in our garage. Tim is a financial analyst through and through, and I have to give him the credit for combing through our budget and paring it down wherever possible. He even discovered that the city of Fort Worth distributes different sized trash cans and they charge $8 less each month to pick up the smaller variety. It’s not a huge savings, but it’s $96 a year, and every little bit helps at this point.
2. Make hard cuts
These cuts were certainly more difficult and required more adjustment. We canceled our cable and lost the DVR. The day I mailed that back to AT&T was a dark day for me, but I have to say I really don’t miss it too much anymore. The last thing I need is to spend more time in front of the television, so this one was probably a blessing in disguise, and it saves us a whopping $100 a month.
We will be the last people on this earth with smart phones. No data packages here, just straight talk and text.
Our cars are old and have lots of miles on them. Neither are particularly “family friendly.” Getting the car seat in and out of my civic is no picnic. Tim has a single-cab pick-up, which was both practical and romantic a few years ago, but now it’s certainly “cozy” when the three of us ride somewhere together. We can’t throw the stroller in the back if it’s raining. It isn’t ideal, but these cars are paid off (Hallelujer!) and there’s really nothing more “family friendly” than that.
We rarely eat out anymore, we don’t take vacations, we don’t buy many new clothes, and we don’t have new toys or gadgets. I don’t share any of this to pat myself on the back or brag about how disciplined or sacrificial we can be, I simply share because these are real, practical things we’ve had to do to make this situation work. They aren’t always fun. Terms like “frugal” and “sacrifice” and “delayed gratification” are counter-cultural, but we are rich in what really matters.
We live with less so I can give Ben more. This is my mantra. These sacrifices allow me to give him more of my time, attention, and energy. It is worth every single thing we’ve had to say “no” to.
3. Find like-minded friends
There are days when the sacrifices are tougher than others. So many of our friends live on double incomes and are able to buy more and do more than we are. Some days I wonder if the path we’ve chosen is worth what we’re giving up. It is helpful to have the encouragement of friends who are living on similar budgets and understand the decisions we’ve made. When my eyes start to wander, they help me focus.
4. Trust God
Yes, Tim provides for us, but ultimately
God provides for our family. If I truly believe God has called me to stay home with Ben, I must believe He will provide the means for me to do so. Whether it’s a “loaves and fishes” scenario where He multiplies what we have and allows us to stretch it, or He blesses us through the generosity of other people, He
will provide for us in the journey He’s called us to.
I’ve already seen several examples of this. Like clockwork, before my last paycheck arrived in the mail, the air conditioning went out in our truck (In July. In Texas.) The battery died. The car started making funny noises. Our dishwasher broke. For each unexpected expense, we have either had unexpected money come in (a refund check from the anesthesiologist who did my epidural?) or really generous people in our lives who have helped meet a need.
We are relying more on God and less on our own understanding, and it is exciting!
5. Maintain Perspective
At the end of the day, stuff is just stuff. All the stuff I’m not buying today would be worn out and forgotten about by this time next year. It is actually quite a joke to pretend that we are sacrificing anything when I remember the fact that 80% of humanity lives on less than $10 a day. When I begin to feel the pull of consumerism, I ask God to help me be thankful and content with what we have.
We have everything we need. AND I get to spend every day with my sweet little boy. This has been a prayer of ours since before we were pregnant. We are so richly blessed that I couldn’t possibly ask for anything more.
If you are reading this and you are a Mom who would love to stay home but don’t feel that it’s possible, please let me encourage you to sit down with your husband and take another look. You may find it really can’t happen right now, but with some big adjustments and reliance on God, you just might be surprised!
